This afternoon, I'm just going to try to power through.
To Know
As we made our cross-country move, from Georgia to Hawaii, I was corresponding a bit with the wife of our last pastor. She had recommended the book The Promise, by Robert Morgan. I expected to dive in and devour it. But digesting the words have taken a lot more time. The author, so far, has been taking the segments of the verse from Romans:
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)
Several months in, I am still parked on the section: to know, page 35. But before I feel ready to move on, there are certain things I've truly got to know. Some of it is just heady Bible facts I've got to personalize, ponder, and experience for myself. Some stuff, I just need for God to reveal and confirm his truth to me. I want to know the whys. But I'm sure what I need is to just trust God, release my lack of understanding to him, exercise a bit more faith.
Life is full of so many unknowns and things I cannot control. I need to those "knowns" to be carved into my soul.
The Rubber Meets the Road
God's timing is, of course, spot on. Through Bible study, messages at church, and meaningful moments, God continues to reassure me and prepare me for the road ahead. We are staring another yearlong deployment in the nose. And frankly, I've already been overwhelmed.
Saying good-bye wouldn't be so hard if I could be assured 100% that it wasn't really "good-bye," more of a "see you later." I am confident in God's protection, his sovereignty. But I also realize that God's children are not exempt from the afflictions and misfortunes of life on this earth. I have seen God weave his blessings through the saddest of circumstances. And I am confident that no matter what we face, God will be with us each step of the way.
Knowing all that does bring great comfort, but it's also hard to not resign your soul to believing the worst will happen. After all, how can God grow us if not through suffering (thank you, "fundamental Biblical teachers" for emblazoning that partial truth into my mindset - blergh!)?
And then Sunday, the message was given (via video) by Francis Chan. His words were the very balm my soul needed. God wants good things for us. God loves us. God wants to know us; he wants us to know him! God wants good things for me. God wants to show me his goodness in this life - while I'm still living here on this earth!
Here is something I am still sure of. I will see the Lord's goodness while I'm still alive. (Psalm 27:13 NIVr)So awesome that God chose to use his goodness to get to me. Several years ago (2003), I pleaded with God to show me his goodness. Enter: my William (and all the blessings that have followed).
To Hope
Hope has, of late, been a hard concept for me. I know God will work all things together for good in my life. But something holds me back from hoping too much. And it's not all "que sera sera," "let go and let God." I've been afraid to hope. Because hope not realized equals disappointment. And sometimes pending disappointment is just too much for a soul to bear.
But again, God has given me something worth holding onto, something I can know.
The LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love. (Psalm 147:11)
My hope is in God's unfailing love. He loves me. He has a plan for my today, my tomorrow. And somehow, my life fits into his greater plan.
God Knows Me
God gave me a beautiful picture to hold onto for the days to come. I had gone up to our family favorite beach spot ~ a beautiful lagoon up in Hale'iwa. The clouds were overhead and the weather was misty when I got there. So I just pulled my hoodie on and walked down to the shore. I was looking for sea glass (one of my fav beachside pastimes), when I turned toward the water and saw the most intense, most beautiful rainbow - spanning our little lagoon. :-) It was as though God was speaking to my heart: that we'd all be there together again. I'm holding on tight to that one.
And now I must go. Real life, once again, beckons.
