My son sat amidst cookies, candy, and icing. He started heaping icing onto his plate by the spoonful, and I sat there watching him. I was the one who brought all manner of sweets from our cupboards to his little table.
Yesterday, while I was scrambling to find some pointers about teaching "self-control" to my son, I stumbled upon this article. I am not endorsing the Web site. (I am baffled by the author's premise that saying the Pledge of Allegiance may be unpatriotic.) But I greatly appreciate the thought-provoking points in the article about Character Education.
As I read, I kept thinking "Regardless of the shortcomings, why would anyone not support teaching and encouraging good character?!" But I think I do understand a bit. I agree. I do want my children to do the right thing, but I want them to do so for the right reasons - because they want to, because they want what is best for themselves, for their futures, and for those who are around them. I want my kids to be aware of the world around them, and aware of the part they have the opportunity to play.
I don't want my kids to rattle off meaningless definitions or just regurgitate someone else's application to character or moral issues. One's character is a result of their choices - which is a result of one's response to the people and circumstances around them and an indication of their goals and desires.
As I sat watching my son use stick-shaped candy to shovel icing into his mouth. I began to doubt this new "problem solving"/real world approach to character education. Parents are told in the Bible to teach God's ways to their children. And here I sat not just watching, but encouraging my son in gluttony. (Way to go, Mom!) I adjusted a bit, "Okay, you've got 10 minutes to eat as much as you want, or as much as you think your body needs."
Our discussion after the mini-feast was quite productive, I thought. My Boy is actually pretty conscientious about his consumption of sweets. On his own, he will usually determine whether he should have that third sweet for that day or save it until the next. He already knew that too many sweets at one time can make one feel sick. We expounded from there. "Everything we put into our bodies affects our bodies." We discussed the affects of too much junk food, too much food (good or bad), too much coffee, too much alcohol. This was the first time I've talked with him in depth about alcohol - what beverages contain it, it's affects on the body, and the potential harm that can occur when alcohol is consumed without restraint (the risks to the drinker and the risks to others, i.e., the tragedy of accidents caused by drunk driving).
I really appreciate the thought behind the "Problem With Character Education." I do think it is important to differentiate between behaviors and attitudes that are harmful and those that are beneficial to one's self and to society. I will continue to work hard to broaden my children's awareness and hopefully equip them with the tools to make good life choices. But I think my approach - at least to "character education" - will change. Instead of listing out the "fruit of the Spirit" and discussing why we should be "kind, patient, self-controlled," I think I'll try to start with real life scenarios - real situations, stories, hypothetical situations - and talk about the "character attribute" without necessarily labeling it so. I have introduced the fruit of the Spirit to my Boy, but I hope those words will carry more meaning as we discuss life, the affects of our choices, and the importance of treating ourselves and others with respect. (Aretha Franklin said it so well!)
I've long worked with my Boy to sympathize with others - to think about how he would feel if ________________. And recently I've challenged him to be a Problem Solver (versus whining or nagging). He really is a Problem Solver at heart, so he seems to embrace this approach. I think I'll try to use these type discussions to talk further about character issues.
Conflicting Thought about "Character" in the Bible
If there is a sermon or lesson on "Christian Living," I confess I do shutdown. After so many years of trying to adhere to all the "dos and don'ts" that some Christian leaders put forth, the thought of anything remotely similar to all that is overwhelming.
Some people seem to love and greatly esteem the Apostle Paul. I do appreciate him. But some of his writings remind me of the legalism so prevalent in some Christian circles. He was so hardcore - which was vital to the role he played in helping establish and unify the early church.But sheesh, the lists of "character" attributes - what does each mean? And how are we to apply them to our lives? I believe the latter question varies for each of us, simply because our lives are all different from one another. We can't make our lives all look the same - and God wouldn't want us to! He created us as unique creatures, each with different purposes, missions, journeys.
But where did Paul come from? He was well-studied and ardent follower to the most rigid of religious circles. Attributes such as "kindness, goodness, joy, patience, etc.," were a very liberal jump from the strict "dos and don'ts" to which he had so zealously adhered. The "fruit of the Spirit" and similar passages seem to expound on the two greatest commandments given by Jesus: to "love God . . . . Love one another." I wonder, in trying to define and assign specific applications to those attributes, we negate the freedom intended in those very passages and instead recreate the bondage to dos and don'ts.
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